Today, I took two yoga classes at the Bloom Retreat and by the second one I was having so many revelations in my spirit. The biggest one I really want to share with you all is-for me motherhood is the greatest spiritual journey I have undertaken. Being a mother is teaching me how to be present to the things that are most important-life, love, each moment, breath, courage, and mostly that God/the Universe entrusts me with the responsibility of another life...what a huge blessing. As hard as it may be a t times; I am so grateful and transformed by being a mama. I am really beginning to know that I, just me, I am enough just as I am. I am loving motherhood right now!

Glad her soul chose me

Today our miracle baby girl, Daliyah will be six months old. I look at her and I see the true meaning of life. God made her beautiful! I am so grateful that her soul chose me as a mother. I was blessed with the honor to bring forth her life through my body. Tonight I told my husband, that if I have done nothing else in my life but be her mother; my heart would be content. I am so glad to know this kind of love. My heart is so full of joy and gratitude. Although motherhood comes with great challenges; the love, joy and pride are immeasurable! I love my daughter and family! 

God made you beautiful

Tonight as I sang her to sleep, I got lost in her beauty. Her little, curvy lips are so perfect. Her tiny button nose is angelic. Those full eyelashes are fierce! Her eyebrows, although still forming, are perfect. Everything around me, including the messy living room, disappeared and I found peace. I saw the absolute perfection of creation and God in her. I had to kiss her silky, soft, chubby cheeks. God made you beautiful. I am so grateful to know this love.

Where do you see the beauty of the Creator?

It's the little things

A walk to empty the diaper genie bag in the fresh, cool rain never felt so good! It's the little moments of stillness that I am so grateful for. After a long day, and lots of precious baby tears, a minute of stillness erased a days worth of busyness. 

Today, I accept that my baby girl will cry, and it's OK. She is a baby and that's one of her forms of communication. It doesn't mean I'm not being a good mommy or that I'm not meeting her needs. She's not hurting. She is trying to tell me something with her cry.  Now that I have let in acceptance I can listen with my heart. I love you baby girl. You are little, yet you teach me huge lessons daily; you teach me to be patient and grateful.

Sharing is healing

During my pregnancy and on my journey as a new mama I have been so blessed with sisters who have opened up, and opened me up in return. I used to be one of those women who tried to hold it all in and hold it all together, then I would fall apart for a moment, lose control and restart the unhealthy cycle. I would be there for those I love, and give, and give, and give of myself until I was depleted and then "acted" STRONG. 

Becoming a mama has brought me to a place where "acting" strong is no longer an option and depleting myself is no longer acceptable. When the great responsibility of creating life hit me in the chest and gut, I began revisiting my past and planning for the future. It was too much for me to hold in. I chose to see the creation of life and the birth of our daughter as a rebirth of myself. I began sharing with the women around me who I knew were safe and real. When I was scared about becoming a mama, I shared and was told by an elder mother of 6 that she was scared when she was pregnant too. I shared my fears, my tears, my doubts, my joys, my anger and my love. 

For the first time, I shared the depths of my pain and depression and was met with empathy, hugs, love and compassion. I learned that I was not alone in my experience. Sharing was healing for me. My sisters let me know that I was safe and reminded me that the same God that brought me through my past, is the same God that will bring me through the present and the future. Now, I know that there is strength in sharing. 

As women, we are carriers. We hold and birth life through our wombs. In order to give birth to the greatness inside of us, we must first make space for ourselves. Sharing our deepest truths creates healing and bonding. This allows us to grow and birth our gifts. 

When we stop sharing, our relationships die and our spirits can too.

I am healing through sharing! Try it, it's amazing!

She is my Why!

When I awake in the morning to bright, little eyes and a big gummy smile, I have a reason to get out of bed and go confidently in the direction of my dreams, NO MATTER WHAT! My 5 month old baby girl is my why! Pulling the covers over my head is not an option, giving in to my fears and giving up is not an option. You know why? Everything I do, her eyes are following me. When I am in the kitchen preparing a meal and get carried away by negative thoughts then bring myself back to the present... I look over at her in the purple swing and I am reminded that she is  always watching me. I am her first example of what it means to be a woman. I matter! More than ever before, I matter! I have to be the best version of myself because I can't let her down. When I feel like giving up, when the fears come...I can't give in. Our children look towards us as we look towards our ancestors. I am being the best example for her. She is my why!

What or who is your why?